Q is for Quid pro quo

Quantum of misery with a sprinkle of desperation, that’s what Federica was. After finishing her second Paper Plane cocktail, she laid her tired head on her folded hands and gave Arlin a full history of the drink, complete with a recipe: equal parts of bourbon, Amaro Nonino, Aperol, and lemon juice. The sugary pink concoction was Federica’s favorite and a chance to bond with Ettore, the bartender. And not a word about her big mistake or the dire consequences.

“Have you ever been a laughingstock?” she asked Arlin. “Not a quid pro quo but please share. Misery likes company, you know.”

“By all means,” Arlin smiled at the legal term. “But first, “I have a suspicion you didn’t eat your dinner.”

“How did you know?”

Arlin waved at the empty cocktail glass. “You need something light but with pasta, to absorb, uhm, your favorite drinks. Are you allergic to seafood?”

“I’m Italian, we don’t believe in allergies,” she snorted.

“They have excellent spaghetti alle vongole here.” Arlin summoned the waiter and ordered the famous local pasta dish with clams. “Back to the story, not a laughingstock per se, but fairly embarrassing. The day before my best friend’s wedding, we all got wasted, and I lost my voice. Since the groom was my best friend, I was his best man and, as such, I was supposed to deliver a funny best man’s speech and even sing a little tune. That was all the bride’s plan, my musical number and all. The next morning, when she heard my squeaky voice that was about to ruin,” Arlin made air quotes for the word ruin, “her wedding, I was subjected to all the possible old wives’ remedies to restore my voice. I gargled with salt water, inhaled steam from hot potatoes, drank liters of warm tea, and sucked on all the lozenges from the local drugstore. And above all, remained silent until it was time for my speech.”

“Didn't you have fun with the bridesmaids?” chimed in Federica.

“I was engaged to one of the bridesmaids, and she was as furious at me as the bride. So, the short answer is no.”

“Are you married?” Federica widened her eyes in genuine surprise. “You don’t sound like a married man.”

“Heavens, no. Both marriages ended in divorce.” With that, Arlin asked the waiter to bring an espresso for himself and a doppio for Federica.

“Good for you. That was for forcing your hand with that stupid musical number!” She banged her hand on the table.

“You have no idea how close to truth you are.” Arlin rolled his eyes at the sore subject. “Did you say you have a presentation tomorrow?”

“Did I? No, it’s dopodomani, the day after tomorrow.”

“Thank goodness for that. You are not in a position to present anything but your—”

 “Why doesn’t English have a word for that?” she interrupted.

“I beg your pardon, a word for what?” Arlin nodded grazie to the waiter for the coffees.

“One word for the day after tomorrow.” Federica sipped her coffee. “Ouch! So hot but so tasty.” She gulped down cold water from the tall glass. “And they know how to serve it properly, with water. Duh, it’s Rome.”

“Oh that. The word you’re looking for, Federica, is overmorrow.”

“You’re so smart. How do you know all that?”

The pasta arrived, and she dug into the flavorful dish as if there was no tomorrow. Or overmorrow.

“I guess I hang with the right crowd. I’m a music professor at a small university. Don’t they teach Old English in law schools anymore?” Arlin chuckled.

Federica blinked with a forkful of pasta in mid-air. “I never told you I’m a lawyer, did I?”

“As I recall, you said you’re here to expedite the divorce, and you met her, whoever she is, at the deposition. Quid pro quo was another small giveaway. Am I wrong?” Arlin raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“What are you, a CIA operative, disguising as a music professor? Nice touch.” The fork bounced off the plate’s edge with a bang.

“No, I’m a music professor disguising as a disciplinarian.” Arlin pointed sternly at the flying fork. “Or vice versa. Remember what I said about the principal’s office?”

“Oh! I hoped you forgot about that part.” Federica deflated at the reminder. “What would be your quid pro quo?”